Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
