i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
