i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
