a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
pray to the hookup gods
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
