thus making me awesome and them whores
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
