my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need water and some morals
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
