Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize