I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the condom got lost in my hair
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
