a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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