bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
