I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
