We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
