Please, let me fuck your mom
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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