I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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