So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
