I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize