you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
