I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
