this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
