I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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