I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
