He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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