Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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