i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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