Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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