i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
