pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
