Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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