I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
