Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
