You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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