your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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