I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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