meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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