If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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