We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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