bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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