This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
