Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
