Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
