oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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