i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
