margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
