she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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