My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
