My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
