After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
