Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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