fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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