Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
