Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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