you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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