Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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