ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
