i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
