no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you had me at cake vodka
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
