ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize