I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it's like iHOP with fire
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
