I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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