Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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