I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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