my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
