We won't sleep together?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
