I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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