I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
