i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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