This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize