I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
