I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my liver is dry heaving
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
