You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
